What The World Is Like When You Can't Talk

Well, let's just jump right in, shall we?

I am just going to say it......right now, I like one of my kids more than the other. I *love* them both equally, and I truly hope I treat them both the same. But, at the end of the day, I am happier to put Foster in the crib for night-night. I vascillate between thinking this is probably normal (actually, Parenting magazine says it is, so detractors can suck it) and feeling like I am the Wickedest Witch of the West after all we've been through.

*Actually, you can just tack on "after all we've been through" to any statement I make when I am feeling guilty about not being Caroline Ingalls (REPRESENT, my 1970s sisters!!)*

Anyway.......Foster is walking a thin line right now on the filament that is my last nerve. So, in the moments when I agonize over not having the infinite patience that other mothers must have, I think about what his world must be like. The kid can't talk. He is very verbal and loves to say words and mimic and point and verbalize. But, he can't say, "Yancey is hogging the spotlight, and that is pissing me off." Or, "You guys have been sitting in those 2 chairs for an hour, and I am so bored I think my brain is turning to wood." So, what else is he supposed to do but hit, bite, cry, stand on his table, eat ice off the floor like the dog and flip his highchair over and stand in between the legs crying because he is "Tuck" (i.e., stuck.....PS - he's not stuck). Is it because I waited too late to have kids? Do people who are parents in their 20s have more patience or interest in diversion? Hell, are they ever even tired?? I know I wasn't tired in my 20s! Hahahaha - I had a blast, didn't you?? ;-) Ahhhhh, Tuaca and Jim Beam and a shift that didn't start until 11:30AM. Good times.

Anyway, so I started wondering what my world would be like if I couldn't communicate with anyone around me. I included not typing or writing or using signs - because it's not a fair comparison otherwise. OMG - I almost hyperventilated. Then I had a sip of wine and said a few words out loud and realized it wasn't *really* real. But, man oh man, what a world would that be?? And, why do they make little people who can't talk have to interact with big people who ONLY talk? I mean, we don't know what to do with that. We try to put words in their mouths and end up sounding ridiculous ("I think you are feeling frustrated because your brother took the lacing string away and stuck it up his nose. I validate you and think you are a big brave boy for taking your lumps in timeout when you bit him.") And, if you think that's what I really say, think again. It's more like "Oh PLEASE, just stop crying already. Are you mad? Sad? Frustrated? Hungry? Wet? Oh yeah, you can't TALK! Never mind - I'll just get you a snack - how 'bout that?"

So, at least I am trying to think about what it must be like for these little guys....they are so smart and fearless, but they can't tell you anything about it. Now that would just suck. So, now that I've gotten that off my chest (and they've been in bed, quiet, for a good hour) I think I feel more relaxed and zen about my approach.

Until tomorrow.

Love y'all!