Miss Mellie

My favorite movie of all time is Gone With The Wind. I have a list in my head of my Top Five favorite movies (and a sub-list of my Top Five Black and White movies), but Gone With The Wind doesn't count. It is not on the list because it is The Ultimate. I have always identified with Scarlett O'Hara. I read the book in 6th grade (and again and again later), and I have always felt (more like hoped) that I was like Scarlett -- opinionated, headstrong, willful, determined, intriuging, etc. Never thought I was a great beauty, like she was...but I like to think I would have made a dress out of curtains if the occasion warrented. Plus, Rhett Butler is hot.

I never liked Melanie Wilkes. She snatched up Scarlett's one true love and married him. Never mind that Scarlett was wrong about Ashley being her one true love - at the time, she thought he was. Plus, Melanie and Ashley were cousins. I know that the Wilkes' always marry their cousins, but that always seemed gross and wrong. But, the real problem was that Melanie was just simpering, "mealy-mouthed" (to quote Scarlett), forgiving to a fault, wore a lot of grey and was so completely unselfish that it just bugged me to no end. Yancey and I have fought about this (yes, sometimes we fight about fictional characters - together 15 years, what can I say?).....he says Melanie is a saint and a wonderful woman. Although he says that to get my goat, I know he really believes it deep down.

So tonight, I have come to a worrisome realization - I am afraid that I now more resemble Melanie than I do Scarlett. In the course of a typical random evening conversation, I behaved in a way that was clearly unselfish and actually reflective of feeling quite content. I thought for a bit and asked Yancey, "Have I become Miss Mellie??" He knew exactly what I was talking about (although Gone With The Wind was not part of the conversation at all), and he responded maddeningly (take note, men - this is maddening). He said, "Ummmm.....I can't answer that. Melanie is a fictional character, and you are a real person. Totally different." I know he was hedging. He knew exactly what I was asking. Have I lost my edge? Have I lost my feist, my fire, my recklessness? This could be devastating!

[Don't tell anyone, but I should mention, that over the last 5 years or so I have come to admire the quiet strength and uncompromising faith and loyalty that Melanie possessed. She stuck by her friends and family no matter what. She forfeited her own personal health if someone else was in need. She took the side of the underdog. She took money from the prostitute for the good of The Cause. Blah blah blah. Yep, still annoying.]

Is it because I'm inching closer to 40? Do we all turn nice as we age because we don't want the hassle of kicking up a ruckus all the time? Do our kids so totally exhaust us that we just look on smiling because we are bone-tired, but to the outside observer we seem seem peaceful and content? I honestly don't think I have it in me to be Scarlett Stribling, mother of twin-boys-about-to-turn-two-who-like-to-stand-on-tables. Is it possible to be a hybrid? That seems to be a popular concept these days. Perhaps I could be "Scarlanie" or "Mellett." I'm not sure that will appease me, but I'm going to think on it.

God help you poor people that just read all of that. Sorry.